Monday, June 14, 2010
Maternal Instincts: Does Everyone Have Them?
I had a rough patch with Callie yesterday. She was fussing and I just felt like I should know what she needs by now. I felt like maybe I don't have maternal instincts because of it. While I was pregnant everyone kept telling me that I was going to be a great mother, because of my personality I guess, but I can't help thinking that maybe I just don't have those so-called mothering instincts. I can't seem to tell when she's tired vs when she's hungry vs when she has gas, etc. I really thought by almost 2 months I would have this down. Does that ever happen? Do other moms struggle with that? Bill just kind of methodically goes through the list of possible solutions, but I just get so frustrated with it. Maybe because Callie's tears/screams affect me so much more profoundly than Bill. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to figure her out, well at least until she can just tell me what she wants:) Oh that will be glorious! When I went on a stroller hike last week there was a dad who said "You spend the whole first year wishing for them to talk and the remaining 17 years wishing they would shut up."
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In my definition, maternal instinct simply means that there is that something inside of you that makes you want to take care of your baby. No matter what, you as a mother will do anything in your power to make your baby happy. It is the instinct that creates the frustration when you can't stop the crying. We, as mothers,do not automatically know the cause of pain or crabbiness or whatever that results in the cry. We respond to it because we know it means our "happy baby" goal has not been achieved. I never ever could figure out the cries of either of my children. Whereas your father would walk in at 5:00, do some little thing and everyone would be happy and content. Yes, I understand completely that feeling of failure. There was never a mother more happy than I was, the day her children started talking.
ReplyDeleteMaria,
ReplyDeleteThe only way I can tell that Logan is sleepy is when he gets his 'tired eyes' meaning his eye lids are red, or he starts rubbing his eyes, or after about an hour and a half to two hours after he ate. As for his hungry cry, I just know when he is hungrey by looking at the clock and knowing when he ate last. If it was 3 or 4 hous, I know he is hungrey. I didn't get this until he was maybe 3 months, when I really started a routine. The only motherly instinct I think I have is I just know when he needs to cuddle or he is not feeling well. He lays his head on my chest and just lays there. You do not need to worry about this. I think everyone struggles with it. I know that hearing her cry is the worst thing for you. I still have trouble letting Logan cry. I think it is harder for mothers to let their child cry, then it is for fathers. Kevin does the same thing as Bill. I hope this helps ease your thoughts. You are a great mother! It does take time, but you'll get there don't worry!
I have to agree with Tere, the "mothering instinct" is what keeps us from tossing the baby out when she cries. It's what makes us need to care for that teeny-tiny creature and makes it so hard when they cry. So you do have it in spades.
ReplyDeleteSometimes cries do sound very different. Elise was a super-star with various cries, you could tell the difference between hungry, angry, need to be cuddled and so so tired fairly easily. Maia, not so much. Stella, well, hungry was always a first good guess. ;)
I know, it's been said, every baby is different. Maybe you'll figure Callie out, maybe not her cries, but her routine will develop and you'll come to have a knack for YOUR baby as opposed to something like "instinct". Moms aren't instantly made with the birth with their children, they have to grow right along with that child.
And I still have trouble figuring out needs, even when they can tell me to some degree...
Hang in there!
No such thing as being able to tell what's going on all the time with your babe. I agree, Maternal Instinct is what keeps the child in your house when you can't seem to stop the weeping. When they speak...they don't have the experience to really tell you what is wrong. Wait until she becomes 13.........ahhh the memories!
ReplyDeleteThank you for all of your comments! I'm not sure why I thought being a mom meant automatically being able to tell these things. I guess like anything else, it takes time. And I like the idea that maternal instincts means not tossing the baby out! I think that's a definition I can handle!
ReplyDelete