So...You Gonna Have Another One?

I have gotten this question so much it is ridiculous. At times people were asking me if we were going to have another baby mere days after we had Callie. Now, I want you to imagine your most excruciatingly painful experience. Would you want to do it again? Say you broke your leg. Would someone come up to you and say "Hey, don't you want to break the other one? You wouldn't want your right leg to feel left out would you?" Ok, so kind of a ridiculous analogy but there really isn't a good one that is equivalent.
It is quite fascinating to hear how people ask the question. Some people are simply curious. I don't begrudge an innocent question like that. But some seem to be looking for vindication of THEIR own decisions.
We haven't really started getting the responses like "Why would you do that to your daughter?" yet. But I'm sure if we do decide to only have one we will start to get those kinds of responses.
On days like today, I only want one child. But other days I think it might be good to have a brother or sister for Callie. We aren't locked into either decision yet.
Time Magazine ran an interesting article last week on the Only Child Myth. Bill and I have been talking about how we imagine more people from our generation will likely choose to only have one child than in previous generations. For one thing, we are having kids much later in life than our parents and grandparents did. Also, the economy has to play a role as well. The Department of Agriculture estimates that it costs an average of $286,000 for one child in the US and that is before college.
We have several friends that have decided to only have one child. Some had difficult pregnancies/births and don't want to go through it again. Others feel that one child supports the lifestyle they want for their family better.
I imagine to some respect the grass is always greener. If you have one child, you probably wonder what it would've been like with 2 or 3. If you have more than one, you probably wonder if just having one would be easier.
I know the stereotypes. Only children are selfish, spoiled brats who are socially inept. But the recent research doesn't support those ideas anymore. There are also "nicer" aspects of the stereotype: only children having higher IQs because the parents have more time to spend on the one child in terms of homework and the like.
The nice thing about having siblings is it teaches conflict resolution and sharing in a self contained unit. Obviously, only children will still learn these values, it just has to come from outside your house through playdates and peers rather than siblings.
We are nowhere near even making these types of decisions, just an interesting topic to explore...Wonder what other people's ideas/experiences are like...Comment?

But I suppose when you really get down to it, it is no one's business what we decide to do with our family structure. I know it won't keep people from asking, but I will try to remember that if/when we make any decisions about how big our family should be, it is simply up to us and us alone. But because I know myself, I know I will probably continue to be bothered by this line of questioning, just like I got annoyed when it seemed like the second the ink was dry on our marriage license we (I) were getting hounded about when ,not if, we were gonna have kids. At least for the time being the question is if, not necessarily when:)

Today is just one of those days

that I want to run away and escape the incessant screaming. Even before she started screaming today I had a feeling like "I kinda wish I could go back to work in August." A feeling of listlessness, boredom and overall, meh. I have definitely struggled since we got back from San Diego. I guess I got used to having so many other extra pairs of hands around to hold Callie while I got to do things like shower or put clothes away or whatever. It has been difficult getting back to the idea that it is just me and her again. I found myself staring at the other people at the coffee shop this morning and wondering if they knew how lucky they were to have silence when they wanted it, if they knew how nice it is to say "You know what, I'm gonna go do x, y and z today" and that would be what they would do that day.
Maybe she is teething or having a growth spurt, but whatever it is, she is a grade A mess.

Anyone Can Wear Pink!

Callie and I took a nice long walk today down to The Falafel Drive In. Best Falafels in the bay area...We are sitting down and I am finishing my falafel when a mom and her son came up to me. The mom pointed out Callie and said "Look at the baby!" The boy was probably around 8 years old or so. He looked at me and asked "Is it a boy or a girl?" I responded with girl. His mom then said "You can tell its a girl because she is wearing pink." The boy very matter a factly turned to his mom and exclaimed, "But anyone can wear pink, mom!" Right you are my good man.

While we are on the topic, here is an interesting piece on color being associated with a certain gender. And another one on whether color preference is cultural or biological.

Shedding Skin

For the last couple of weeks I have had the priviledge of resuming my yoga work with the ultra amazing Marti Foster. I discovered her when I was pregnant and her prenatal yoga class was incredible. I use to call it Baby Bootcamp. I really do credit those classes with how strong my legs got over the course of my pregnancy. And let me tell you strong legs are essential for birth! I looked forward to her classes each week. So once we had Callie I had her Yoga for Moms class on my calendar for weeks. Marti has moved her Moms yoga class to a different location so the turnout has been low as of yet. As in, its just been me and her, which has been amazing. Obviously I hope that more people start showing up soon.
She said something to me on Tuesday that has been resonating with me. We were talking about how different life becomes so quickly when you bring a baby home. She said "it is like a snake shedding its skin." And I thought to myself Yes! She went on to say you don't necessarily look down at that skin you've shed (your pre child life) and look at it longingly but just that its a change, a new you. That is definitely how I feel these days. I don't necessarily miss my old life and honestly sometimes I can't really recall what it was. Sometimes I try to think to myself,
"If Callie wasn't with us, what would I be doing right now?" And I come up with a list, but somehow it just doesn't fit anymore. Each skin comes with its own challenges, mysteries and blessings. One isn't better or worse than another, just different. And it is that change that is so essential for growth.
Thank you Marti for helping me fit into my new skin a little better.

Callie's Blessing Day

We held Callie's blessing ceremony today. I had been working on the ceremony for the past couple of weeks. We never seemed to have time to really work on it together, so we just went with what we had and Bill winged his parts, as usual:)
It was wonderful to be able to put into words what her birth and her presence has meant to me. Here are the words that I wrote:
Callie, the day you came into our lives was monumental. I wished for you without speaking. I needed you and I didn’t even know it. I didn’t know that someone so small could bring such great joy and happiness to our lives. It was with great pain and love we birthed you into the world. The moment I first saw you will be etched in my mind and my heart forever. Our eyes met and I knew you were mine and I was yours. Callie, you have taught me so much in just a few months. You have shown me the value of patience, something that I was never very good at before. You have taught me to live in the moment and relish the little victories when they come your way. When I was pregnant with you, i told Bill one day that I couldn’t imagine loving anything more than Milo. Sorry Milo! You have shown me that even though I thought I knew what love was, I really had no idea how incredible that can feel. I had no idea how much I could love. Sometimes I look at you and my heart feels like it will burst. And I know I would do anything to protect you from harm and hurt. You are the most amazing gift I have ever received. I am so thankful for you. You made us a family and for that I was always be indebtted to you.

I was so thankful to have everything written down on paper. I wouldn't have gotten through it without blubbering!
We also took a vow to help her become the woman she is meant to be, to be her guides, to teach her not who or what but how to love, respect and dream. Our chosen godparents also took a vow to help guide her.
The culmination of the ceremony were our guests' blessings and prayers for Callie. It was so incredible to have such a personal interaction. Some were funny, some were serious, but all were heartfelt. Some wished for her physical strength, to never feel weak. Others for a strong heart and balance. But most of what we heard and felt was love love love. I don't think I can really put it into words. We are just so blessed and happy to be surrounded with a beautifully supportive and loving extended family.
After everyone left and it was just the three of us again I was stuck with the idea that Callie would never remember this day, but I will never forget it. I thanked Bill for wanting a family, because otherwise I would never have gotten to feel this way. To feel so full. I wasn't sure I wanted children, but now I simply cannot imagine my world without her.

The Comic Con Round Up

So we are going to be heading down to San Diego in a couple of weeks to visit with Bill's parents and for our annual Comic Con visit. Obviously, our pace is going to be a great deal slower than usual! This will be our first long car trip with Callie. Any parents have any good tips?
Anyway, I just had to get her outfits ready! Especially since at this age we can dress her up any way we want until she learns that awful word: "No."

So here are the onesies from Cafe press that have been ordered:)

For the Losties:


And from Battlestar....

And Star Wars (This one is for you Birdsong)

Exterminate!

And it certainly wouldn't be Comic Con without a Joss Whedon item...

Breastfeeding Rap by Pittsburgh School of Medicine: Hilarious!

What ever happened to gender neutral?

So today everyone who came up to us while Callie was wearing this outfit assumed she was a boy. (On a side note: we got this onesie from a friend whose girls had outgrown it. I loved it because I actually have the exact same shirt, but no we were not wearing matching clothes, I'm not that kind of mom.)I was pretty surprised by the reaction. They all asked "How old is he?" They all felt pretty bad when I said "She is 10 weeks old."
I've always considered green and yellow as the gender neutral colors but apparently green has been claimed by the boys' side. I am certainly not going to be dressing her in pink every damn day! Then I discovered this article that was pretty interesting about the way parents act can affect gender ideals.

Crock Pot Cookin' Mama

Oh my god. This thing is amazing!! Thank you to Valerie for convincing me to finally get a crock pot. Not that it took a whole hellofa lot to do...Just a cookbook (Make it Fast, Cook it Slow) and some tales about how easy and fast it can be to cook a meal. I had really been missing having some cooked food at home. I always loved to cook and I had been struggling to even make it to the grocery store with Callie to buy pasta! This thing is freaking amazing! The cookbook is based on this woman's blog where she decided to spend a year using her crock pot.

I made my first dish yesterday: Chicken Coq Au Vin. I took 6 chicken thighs (which I'd never used before) some bacon, carrots, potatoes, mushrooms, chicken stock, red wine, thyme, rosemary, salt and pepper and threw it in the stoneware, set the timer for 8 hours. And that's it! I was able to get it done in about 10 minutes while Bill and Callie were still snoozing in the morning. By the time Bill got home from work it was a thing of beauty. The chicken basically felt apart and it was delicious! I think next time I might try chicken breasts or finding skinless thighs as it was a little oily. I am definitely a convert.

Today it is going to be mediterranean chicken. This one was even faster! Chicken breasts, and some choice items from Whole Foods' antipasto bar: green olives with feta, peppercinis, artichoke hearts, sundried tomatoes and some diced tomatoes. It took maybe 2 minutes to throw it all in the pot. And voila! If it tastes half as good as it smells right now I'm pretty sure it will be devoured just as quickly as last night's dish!

What is it about babies that bring out the crazies?

This is Callie saying "What did you say you freaking wacko?"

So we've had some crazies the past few days. For some reason, they seem to be totally attracted to babies. The other day we were talking to our neighbors who are the sweetest people when the neighbor across the street who has literally not said 2 words to us in the 2 years we've lived here. They totally keep to themselves and seem a little odd. So all of a sudden she is watching us from her porch and yells out "Come over here where its safer!" Huh? Weird. When she realized we weren't going to cross the street, so did. She came over and I noticed tears squeezing out of her eyes. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she had some kind of allergies. Ohhhh no. "Babies always make me cry." Ooookay. Most people will *gently* touch Callie but not this wacko. No. She starts poking her! That was my cue. "I think I'm going to get her inside..." Meanwhile, she had tears streaming down her face the whole time. So weird....

Then today at the coffee shop, there was a woman probably in her 20s who told me that Callie was going to be a model. Once again... Oooookay....What?

A Look Back

I've been doing some reminiscing the last few days. I found myself wishing I could back to the beginning a bit, now that I feel like I have the basics down. I wonder if I would have enjoyed those first few weeks with Callie more rather than just trying to get through each day. I guess that is why people have a second baby, because with the basics, you pretty much know what you're doing. Obviously, every baby has their own personality, but you would at least have the basics down. I do have some very clear moments of the first few weeks. Sometimes it was a feeling of being totally and completely overwhelmed. Others are such a powerful feeling of love and knowing that I would go to the ends of the earth for her. It is amazing how fuzzy the first few weeks have become already.